Your Baby Shower Etiquette Guide (2024)

Baby showers are a relatively recent tradition, rising in popularity during the baby boom of the 1940s and 1950s. These parties are filled with joy and can foster self-esteem and a sense of belonging and community. But they can also create uncertainty about expectations and etiquette. People often wonder when to have a baby shower, who to invite, who should plan and host it, and what to do about gifts.

Ultimately, a baby shower is a festive occasion and should be fun, so feel free to follow your instincts and heart on how to plan the special celebration. However, widely accepted baby shower etiquette can offer helpful guidance on decisions like theme and when to have a baby shower. Following these guidelines for planning the perfect pre-baby bash can help ensure everyone—including the parent-to-be—will have a good time.

Planning the Baby Shower

Every baby shower is unique, and the event should be adapted to the expecting parent's or parents' wishes and needs. However, here are some general suggestions for making sure everything goes smoothly.

Who plans and hosts a baby shower?

According to tradition, baby showers are typically hosted by a friend or distant relative (like a cousin or an aunt) instead of an immediate family member. This custom is believed to have developed to avoid the appearance that the family was simply on a mission to collect gifts.

However, like many cultural traditions, this rule isn't strictly observed these days. In fact, it's usually considered perfectly acceptable for a sibling, in-laws, or even the guest of honor's parents to host or co-host a baby shower. It's still unusual for a parent-to-be to host their own shower, though.

When do you have a baby shower?

Baby showers can be held at any point but are typically held four to six weeks before the baby's due date. This timing is late enough that the pregnancy is well along but likely early enough to avoid the baby arriving beforehand and disrupting the party plans. However, some people prefer to have a shower earlier in pregnancy, and others choose to host one soon after the baby is born or adoption is finalized.

Some parents-to-be prefer not to receive gifts or celebrate until after the baby is born for religious, cultural, or other reasons (in certain traditions, it's considered bad luck to acquire baby items beforehand). In that case, you could begin preliminary planning but wait until after the baby is born to set a shower date.

For parentsadopting a child, you might have a baby showeronce the child has arrived in their home.

Do baby showers need games and a theme?

Baby showers aren't required to have games, a theme, or anything else. The baby shower host should follow their own preferences and guidelines from the parent-to-be in terms of what kind of agenda to follow. There's no rule stating that you must play certain games or that the color scheme must be pastel.

Some of the most memorable baby showers have unique, non-traditional themes—or no theme at all! That said, many people enjoy playing baby shower games or decorating with a theme. So, do what seems fun to you, the parent-to-be, and the guests.

Should you have a baby shower for a second (or third or fourth) child?

Every pregnancy deserves celebration, but since one of the main purposes of a baby shower is helping new parents acquire needed baby gear and supplies, it may be unnecessary to host a traditional baby shower for second or third children. Instead, some people throw a "baby sprinkle"—a smaller party designed to make parents' lives easier once they have a newborn and other children. You can also simply throw a party to mark the new baby's arrival.

Consider, for example, a "stock the freezer" shower or a parents' shower with gifts like movie passes and promises of babysitting. You could also just organize a fun, celebratory social gathering that doesn't center on "showering" the expectant parent with gifts.

However, if there is a significant gap in age between children, throwing a full-blown shower for a subsequent pregnancy may make a lot of sense.

The Guest List

There's no right or wrong in when it comes to deciding who to put on the baby shower guest list. However, there are guidelines that can help you make these decisions.

Who should you invite to the baby shower?

Naturally, close friends and family members should be at the top of the baby shower guest list. Beyond that, only choose guests who would gladly celebrate the parent-to-be and buy them a gift. You should consult with the guest of honor and let them invite whomever they want (keeping in mind any limitations on space and the host's preferences, of course).

What are co-ed showers?

While baby showers have traditionally been a women-only event, that idea is becoming pretty outdated. For one thing, not everyone who is pregnant or expecting a baby is a woman. Plus, women-only spaces may exclude some important friends and family members.

Including all genders on the baby shower guest list is becoming increasingly common. The good news is if you do an all-gender baby shower, you shouldn't have to modify your plan much, if at all. People of all genders may enjoy looking at new items for the baby and playing baby shower games. You and the expectant parent know your guests best and can decide on the guest list that will work best for the party dynamic you are hoping for.

If there is another parent-to-be or co-parent, consider their personality, too. Some may relish sharing in every aspect of the journey to parenthood, while others may be uncomfortable with the idea of being a guest of honor at a baby shower. Or the pregnant person may prefer the event to just center on them.

Ask the expecting parents about their preferences on the matter.

Baby Shower Gifts

Here are tips for everything relating to baby shower gifts.

Should you register for gifts?

Opinions vary about registering for baby shower gifts. Some people think creating a "shopping list" for friends and family could seem greedy. However, others love helping parents-to-be stock up on newborn essentials and would appreciate guidance on what to buy.

If you decide to register, you can create a baby registry through a store, catalog, or online service. These options are practical and time-saving for the guest of honor, who can avoid duplicates and returns. Registries are also helpful for guests who may not know what to give.

As for how to use a baby registry, there are two common etiquette rules to be aware of.

The first is related to how you share the registry with guests. Historically, it has been considered rude to include the registry information on the baby shower invitation. Instead, many hosts put it on a separate slip of paper or let interested guests inquire.

While this belief is still a common one, especially among older generations, it's no longer a hard and fast rule. With the introduction of digital invitation templates and baby shower websites that include a place for a registry link, it's becoming more common to see all information about a baby shower (including registry info) to be provided in one place.

While how you share baby registry information is mostly a matter of preference, one etiquette rule that persists is to never insist that guests use the registry. Many guests appreciate a registry to help guide their gifting, guests should always have the option of giving whatever they'd like—or nothing at all.

Are invitees who can't attend the baby shower obliged to give gifts?

Guests who can't make the baby shower are not required to give gifts. If they wish, they may send a package to the host's home, who can have it on hand for the baby shower.

Also, invitees who can't make the party may choose to wait until the baby is born and then send or bring over a gift to the new parent. But they certainly aren't obliged to give a gift. A shower invitation is an invitation to a party, not a demand for a gift.

When should the guest of honor send thank-you notes?

Usually, it's ideal to send thank you notes within two to three weeks after the baby shower. Unless, of course, the baby's birth intervenes.

In that case, waiting until after the hectic newborn period is over is fine. And if it's too overwhelming to send out notes, a text or email can suffice. It's nice to thank your hosts with a special token, too. A bouquet of flowers, a batch of cookies, a book, a gift certificate, or a small piece of jewelry would make excellent baby shower host gifts!