0 Union-News, Wednesday, July 17, 2002 provides goofy thrills FO By ROGER EBERT "Eight Legged Freaks" may be the movie that people were hoping for when they went to see "Men in Black II." They no doubt walked into the A meater hoping for laughs, thrills, wit and scary monsters, and they backed their hopes with something like $133 million over 12 days. It is depressing to contemplate that many people spending that much money on a limp. retread that runs out of gas long before it's over. Now here is "Eight Legged Freaks," which has laughs, thrills, wit and scary monsters, and is one of those goofy movies like "Critters" that kids itself and gets away with it. The movie is about spiders, but it doesn't make the mistake of achnophobia" (1990), which was about little spiders.
Research shows that small insects don't play on the big screen. See also "The Swarm" from 1978, which, despite its Oscar for the beekeeper's failed to excite audiences with its clouds of little buzzing 'dots. No, these spiders are built along the lines of the Woody 'Allen encountered in "Annie the females are as big as a Buick, and even the jumpers are as big as a dirt bike. The movie takes place in bankrupt Prosperity, which the mayor wants to sell lock, stock land barrel to a company that will fill its abandoned mines with toxic wastes. Outside of town, an eccenstric spider lover (an unbilled Tom Noonan) lives surrounded by glass containing hundreds of Rick Overton appears unaware of the giant spider atop his police cruiser in this scene from "Eight Legged Freaks." exotic species.
An ever-reliable 55- gallon drum, that standby of all toxic waste movies, spills into a nearby river and makes the grasshoppers grow so big they're like "spider steroids." Soon a spider escapes and bites the collector, who of course thrashes around in such methodical agony that he overturns every single glass case, releasing all of his spiders, who soon start dining on dirt bikers, etc. The movie stars David Arquette as a local boy who has returned after 10 years and still has a crush on cute Sheriff Sam Parker (Kari Wuhrer). Her son, Mike (Scott Terra). is the owl-eyed little friend of the spider man; her daughter, Ashley (Scarlett Johansson), seems superfluous at first but becomes indispensable in scenes involving a stun gun and, of course, lots of spiders. Little Mike has learned a lot about spiders from his dead friend, and becomes the local expert.
The town is populated mostly by kooks, whose paranoia is led and fed by Harlan (Doug E. Doug); he runs a radio station from his mobile home and warns of alien attacks. The townsfolk are fed up with the mayor, whose get-richquick schemes have included a mall and an ostrich farm, but the mall provides a convenient locale for a last-ditch stand (like in "Dawn of the and the ostriches disappear, gratifyingly when hauled under by giant trapdoor spiders. The movie's director, Ellory Elkayem, has a sure comic touch; I like the way he keeps the characters likable and daffy, and positions the spiders just this side of satire. The movie contains creepy but Screen times Academy of Music (413-584-8435) 9:30 Enigma 7 Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys 9:15 11:05, 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05 Family Cinemas (413-786- Halloween: Resurrection 11:20, 1:20, 8800) Spider-Man 7:15 3:20, 5:20, 7:35, 9:35 About a Boy 7:20 Men in Black It 11, 12:10, 1:10, 2:20, CineMark Theatres, Hadley (413- 3:20, 4:30, 5:30, 7:10, 7:55, 9:20, '587-4233) Eight Legged Freaks 10:05 11:10, 1:30, 4, 7:15, 9:45 Like Mike 11:30, 12:30, 1:50, 2:50, Reign of Fire 11:35, 2:10, 4:50, 7:30, 4:10, 5:10, 7, 7:45, 9:15, 10 10:10 Powerpuff Girls 1:20, 5:30 Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course Mr.
Deeds 11:15, 12:15, 2:20, 3:25, 11:50, 2:05, 4:15, 7:10, 9:40 4:25, 7:15, 7:55, 9:20, 10 Halloween: Resurrection 11:05, 1:35, Hey Arnold! The Movie 5.25 4:25, 7:45, 10:20 Lilo Stitch 11:15, 12:15, 1:15, 2:15, 'Men in Black It 11:20, noon, 1:45, 3:15, 4:15, 7, 7:45, 9, 9:45 2:30, 4, 4:40, 6:20, 7:25, 8:30, 10, Minority Report 1, 4, 7, 9:55 10:40 Scooby-Doo 11:05, 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, Like Mike 11:30, 1:55, 4:20, 7, 9:35 7:50, 9:50 Mr. Deeds 11, 2:25, 5, 7:35, 9:50 The Bourne Identity 11:50, 2:20, 4:50, Arnold! The Movie 11:45 7:20, 9:50 Lilo Hey Stitch 11:25, 1:40, 3:55, 6:25, Northfield Drive- In, Northfield 8:35, 10:35 (603-239-4054) Minority Report, Minority Report 11:55, 3:50, 7:05, The Pleasant Bourne Street, Identity 8:45 (413- 10:15 Northampton 11:15, 1:30, 3:45 586-0935) My Big Fat Greek WedThe Bourne Identity 2, 4:35, 7:20, ding 10, 7, 9 1: 10:05 The 7,9 Importance of Being Earnest 10, 5, Divine Secrets of the Ya- -Ya Sisterhood 7:50, 10:30 Tape 5 Greenfield Cinemas (413-772-0298) Showcase Cinemas, Eastfield Mall Lilo Stitch 1:15, 3:30, 7:10, 9:15 (413-543-6000) Powerpuff Girls 11:40, 1:50 Road to Perdition 12:30, 3:45, 6:45, Mr. Deeds noon, 2:20, 4, 4:40, 7:10, 9:25 9:20, 9:35 Reign of Fire 12:45, 3:45, 6:50, 9:25 Divine Secrets of the Ya- Ya Sisterhood Mr. Deeds 1, 3:15, 7, 9:30 6:40 Minority Report 12:15, 3:20, 6:20, 9:10 Hey Arnold! The Movie 11:05 Powerpuff Girls 1:30 Road to Perdition 12:45, 1:15, 3:45, Hey Arnold! The Movie 3:15 4:15, 6:50, 7:20, 9:30, 9:55 The Bourne Identity 6.40, 9:20 The Sum of All Fears 10:50, 1:30, 4:15, I. Greenfield Garden Cinemas (413- 6:50, 9:50 774-4881) Eight Legged Freaks Scooby-Doo 10:45, 12:45, 2:55, 5, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30 7:40, 9:50 Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course The Bourne Identity 10:20, 1, 4, noon, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 9:20 6:40,, Halloween: Resurrection 12:30, 3:30, Lilo Stitch 10:20, 12:35, 2:50, 5:05, 6:30, 9:30 7:10, 9:35 Like Men in Black Il noon, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 Minority Report noon, 3:30, 7, 10:10 Mike 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:45 Men in Black 10:45, 11:45, 12:30, 1, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 12:45, 1:55, 2:40, 3:10, 4:05, 4:50, 5:20, 3:45, 6:45, 9:45 6:20, 7, 7:30, 8:30, 9:10, 9:40, Scooby-Doo noon, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 10:35 Hoyts Enfield (860-253-9201) Eight Eight Legged Freaks 11:15, 1:30, 3:40, Legged Freaks 11:45, 2:10, 4:30, 5:50, 8, 10:10 9:45 Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course Road to Perdition 12:40, 1:35, 3:30, 4, 10:30, 12:45.
3, 5:15, 7:40, 10 16:35, 7:10, 9:10, 9:50 Reign of Fire 11:30, 1:50, 4:10, 7:20, Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course 9:45 .12:15, 2:30, 4:45, 7:25, 9:35 Halloween: Resurrection 12:30, 3, Reign of Fire 11:50, 2:15, 4:35, 6:55, 5:30, 7:50, 10 9:15 Showcase Cinemas, East Windsor Halloween: Resurrection 4:45, 7:15, (860-623-3545) Reign of Fire Men 9:45 2:55, in Black 4:05, 5:15, 12:35, 6:20, 1:50, 7:35, 2:20, 9, 9:55 Powerpuff 11:30, Halloween: 1:50, Girls 4:15, Resurrection 10:45 7:15, 12:45, 9:45 3, Like Mike 11:45, 2:05, 4:30, 7:05 5:30, 7:50, 10:05 Powerpuff Girls 11:55 Minority Report 12:15, 3:30, 7, 9:55 Mr. Deeds 12:10, 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, Men in Black 10:50, 12:30, 1, 2:40, 9:40 3:10, 4:50, 5:20, 7, 7:40, 9:30, Hey Arnold! The Movie 11:40 10:15 Hilo Stitch 12:05, 2:10, 4:15, 6:50, Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course 9:05 11:20, 1:45, 4:30, 7:05, 9:15 Minority Report 12:20, 3:25, 6:25, 9:30 Scooby-Doo 11, 1:25 The Bourne Identity 9:25 The Bourne Identity 4, 7:25, 9:50 degaStar Cinemas, Springfield Pla- Eight Legged Freaks 11:40, 1:55, 4:20, za (413-781-3456) Eight Legged 7:20, 9:40 Freaks 11, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:45, 10 The Sum of All Fears 10:40, 1:15, 4:10, Reign of Fire noon, 2:30, 5, 7:25, 9:40 6:50, 9:25 Road to Perdition 11:30, 2, 4:30, 7, Mr. Deeds 11:50, 2:25, 4:40, 7:10, BINGO SUPER BINGO EVERY THURSDAY Doors open at 4pm Starting time 6:30 pm No admission after 7:15 P.M. 8 Door Prizes $20 and $30 Packs Game Handicap Bar Accessible We hold 700 people comfortably! Progressive Bingo Large Snack $3,000 for 53 Numbers Non-Smoking Area HOT 300's $700 HOT 150's $250 Consolation Prize $1,199 of Lottery Raffle 150 Special Tickets OVER $11,000.00 IN PRIZES WEEKLY! FAIRVIEW OF 1599 Memorial: Chicopee, MA: 532-201f Bridge By BOBBY WOLFF NORTH 7 1: 8 6' Q752 "You cannot be insured for the "Eight Legged Freaks" Rated: PG-13 (for sci fi violence, brief sexuality and language). Running time: 99 minutes Playing at: CineMark Theatres, Hadley; Greenfield Garden Cinemas; Hoyts Enfield; MegaStar Cinemas, Springfield Plaza; and Showcase Cinemas, Eastfield Mall, East Windsor, and West Springfield reliable (sticking your hand into dark places), funny dialogue Not the and bizarre special effects, as when a spider slams a cat so hard against plasterboarding that its face can be seen on the other side in bas relief.
The chase scene with jumping spiders and bikes adds a much-needed dimension to the boring sport of dirt bike racing. And I liked the way the cute sheriff dismisses her daughter's spider ravings as "media-induced paranoid delusional fantasies." Meanwhile, a love story blossoms, sort of. am not quite sure why the basem*nt of the widow Gladys (Eileen Ryan) would lead into a mine shaft, or how the exoskeleton of a spider is strong enough to pound through a steel wall, or how, once the hero is able to outrun a fireball. But I am not much bothered. "Eight Legged Freaks" is clever and funny, is amused by its special effects, and leaves you feeling like you've seen a movie instead of an endless trailer.
Big Fat Greek Wedding 1:05, 3:25, 5:30, 7:45, 9:50 Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course 1:20, 3:20, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40 The Sum of All Fears 1:35, 4:15, 7:10, 9:45 Powerpuff Girls 1, 2:50, 4:40 Insomnia 6:30, 9:10 Springfield Cinemas (413-782- 1000) Spider-Man 5, 7:30 Changing Lanes 5:20, 7:35 Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring 5:45 Bad Company 5:15, 7:50 Unfaithful 5:25, 7:55 Windtalkers 5:40 Panic Room 5:30, 8 Scorpion King 5:35, 7:50 About a Boy 5:20, 7:55 Enough 5:20, 7:55 Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron 5:30, 8 Undercover Brother 5:25, 7:45 Tower Theaters, South Hadley (413- 533-FILM) Road to Perdition 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9 Men in Block 1, 3, 5, 7, 9:30 The Union-News is not responsible for schedule changes. MATTHEW CHRISTIAN McCONAUGHEY BALE REIGN. PG-13 SHOWCASE CINEMAS NOW' EASTFIELD -STYLE MALL SEATING STADIUM SHOWING ACUTE 20 DIGITAL MEGASTAR. CINEMAS 16 SHOWCASE CINEMAS 4 -4 ITI1 51 WEST SPRINGFIELD 1-15 JAME AVE. RIVERDALE ROAD 413-781-3456-ALL DIGITAL 413-733-5131-ALL DIGITAL SEE DIRECTORY FOR SHOWTIMES NO PASSES 9:35 Lilo Stitch 10:30, 12:50, 3, 5:10, 7:20, 9:20 Road to Perdition noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10 Showcase Cinemas 1-15, West Springfield (413-733-5131) Halloween: Resurrection 12:30, 2:35, 4:55, 7:20, 9:35 Lilo Stitch 10:20, 12:35, 2:50, 5:05, 7:10, 9:25 Hey Arnold! The Movie 10:50 Road to Perdition 12:45, 1:15, 3:45, 4:15, 6:50, 7:20, 9:30, 9:55 Men in Block 1 10:45, 12:30, 1, 2:40, 3:10, 4:50, 5:20, 7, 7:30, 9:10, 9:40 The Bourne Identity 11:20, 1:50, 4:30, 7:40, 10:15 Eight Legged Freaks 10:20, 10:45, 12:40, 2:55, 3:25, 5:15, 5:45, 7:30, 8, 9:40, 10:15 Reign of Fire 11:30, 1:50, 4:10, 7:15, 9:45 Star Wars: Attack of the Clones 12:20, 3:30, 6:30, 9:15 Scooby-Doo 10:40, 12:50, 3:05, 5:20, 7:40, 9:40 Mr.
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hearts, you might just jump to game but since you need so little to make slam, why not try a delicate call of two spades? This is a long-suit game-try, typically based on a three- or four-card holding in spades to one or two top cards. North will up-value any honors he has in spades but shortage together with good trump length would be equally attractive. Here North has four trumps and respectable high cards, together with a nice spade-holding facing length, enough to jump to game. And now you can reasonably take a shot at slam, knowing you are facing a suitable hand. West has an automatic lead of the diamond queen, and the simple line for you would be to win it and play the trump ace.
But you can afford to be more careful in a slam, can't you? Win the diamond ace and cash the club ace, then cross to table with a spade. and throw the losing diamond 10 62 WEST EAST 10953 8 2 8 80 10.5 5 3 9 4 2. 8543 QJ 9 7 SOUTH A 64 A 10 9 6 4 3 A 7 A 2 Neither Dealer: North 8 The bidding: South West North East. Pass Pass 3 FL Pass 2 Pass 2 Pass 4 Pass 6 All pass Opening lead: Diamond queen af away on the club king. Now the only serious danger is 3-0 trumps.
You may not be able to buy financial insurance for this, but you can take out bridge insurance against it. Simply lead a trump from dummy and cover East's card. When you put the heart nine on East's heart eight, you will simultaneously make your day and spoil his. Free blood pressure clinic tomorrow. Cooley Dickinson Hospital, 30 cust Street lobby.
The event is free Locust Northampton, invites and open to all. community members to get their blood pressure checked tomorrow from 3-5 p.m. in the hospital's Lo- -4 CINEMAS CINEMAS MegaStar Cinemas All Shows between Twilight $4.00 All Shows belore are $5.00 All Digital Sound SPRINGFIELD PLAZA 16 Springfield Plaza at St James Ave 413-781-3456 Stadium Seating in All Auditoriums EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS (PG-13) 11:00 1.10 3:20 (5:30) 7:45 10:00 REIGN OF FIRE (PG-13) 12:00 2:30 (5:00) 7:25 9:40 TO PERDITION (R) 11.30 2:00 (4.30) 7:00 9:30 THE CROCODILE HUNTER: COLLISION COURSE (PG) 11:05 1:05 3:05 (5:05) 7:05 9:05 HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (R) 11:20 1:20 3:20 (5:20) 7:35 9:35 3:20 MEN (4.30 IN 5:30) BLACK 7:10 7:55 (PG-13) 9:20 10:05 11:00 12101:10220 LIKE MIKE (PG) 11.30 12:30 1:50 2:50 (4:10 5:10) 7.00 7:45 9:15 10:00 THE POWERPUFF GIRLS MOVIE (PG) 1:20 (5:30) 7:55 9:20 10:00 MR. DEEDS (PG-13) 11:15 12.15220 3.25 (4:25) 7:15 HEY ARNOLD! THE MOVIE (PG) (5:25) 7:00 7:45 9:00 9:45 LILO STITCH (PG) 11:15 12:15 1.152.15 3.15 (4:15) MINORITY. REPORT (PG-13) 1:00 (4:00) 7:00 9:55 SCOOBY-DO0 (PG) 11:05 1:05 3:05 (5:05) 7:50 9:50 THE BOURNE IDENTITY (PG-13) 11:50 2:20 (4:50) 7:20 9:50 No Passes or Standard Discount Tickets 2002 Times Valid For Wednesday, thru Thursday, Only BARGAIN MATINEES DAILY BEFORE 6PM Featuring Stadium Seating, Digital Sound High-Back Panoramic Screens ENFIELD SQUARE 12 90 Elm Street.
Westfield Shopping Town Enfield Square: Purchase Tickets in Advace by Calling 1-860-253-9201 Visit Our Website at www.hoyts.com FIGHT LEGGED FREAKS 11:45 2.10 4 30 7:20 9:45 PG-13 ROAD TO PERDITION (ON 2 SCREENS) 12:40.1:35 4:00 6:35 7:10 9:10 9:50 THE CROCODILE HUNTER: COLLISION COURSE 12:15 2:30 4:45 7:25 9:35 PG REIGN OF FIRE (NO PASSES ACCEPTED)! 1:50 2:15 4.351 6:55 9:15 PG-13 HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION 4:457:15 9.45 MEN IN BLACK 11 (ON 3 SCREENS) 12:35 1:50 2:20 2:5 4:05 5:15 6:20 7:35 9:00 PG-10 LIKE MIKE 11.45 2:05 4:30 7.05 PG THE POWERPUFF GIRLS MOVIE 11:55 A.M. PG MR. DEEDS 12:10 2:25 4:50 7:20 9:40 PG-13 HEY ARNOLDI THE MOVIE 11:40 A.M. PG LILO STITCH (NO PASSES ACCEPTED: 12 05 2:10 4:15 6.50 9-05 PG MINORITY REPORT 12:20 3:25 6:25 9.30 PG-13 THE BOURNE IDENTITY 9:25 PG-13 $1 or PHOTO ID REQUIRED FOR ALL RATED FILMS TIMES FOR THRU COPYRIGHT 2002 YOU CAN BE SURE THERE WON'T BE A BETTER MOVIE THIS SUMMER. NEW YORK POST ROAD rot PERDITION me AND IM BOX DUM NOW SHOWCASE EASTFIELD MALL CINEMAS ADIS MEGASTAR CINEMAS STATING 16, WEST SHOWCASE SPRINGFIELD CINEMAS 1-15 STADIUM -STYLE SEATING PLAYING 413-543-8000-ALL ROUTE 20 DIGITAL T.
413-781-3456-ALL JAMES AVE. DIGITAL RIVERDALE ALL ROAD DIGITAL SORRY, NO PASSES ACCEPTED FOR THIS ENGAGEMENT SEE DIRECTORY FOR SHOWTIMES THIS SUMMER'S SURPRISE MUST-SEE MOVIE!" Richard PALADE SAME GODZILLA "SPIDER INDEPENDENCE LEGGED THE REAL SPIDERS HAVE ARRIVED!" -Arch West. LEGGED FREAKS' IS SPOOKY EYE CANDY WITH A HEALTHY OF BIG LAUGHS." -to THE PEST let the begin! PG-13 May PARENTS be STRONGLY for CAUTIONED AOL Keyword: Eight Legged Freaks WARNER BROS. PICTURES SCHA VIOLENCE, BRIEF SEXUALITY AND LANGUAGE www.eightleggedfreaks.com AN 0 AIM TIME MARS At EA A COMPANY STARTS STADIUM SHOWCASE EASTFIELD -STYLE MALL CINEMAS SEATING STADHIM MEGASTAR CINEMAS -STYLE STATING 16 WEST SHOWCASE SPRINGFIELD CINEMAS 1:15 TODAY 413-543-6000 ROUTE 20 ALL DIGITAL ST. 413-781-3456-ALL JAMES AVE.
DIGITAL AIVERDALE ALL. ROAD DIGITAL SEE DIRECTORY FOR SHOWTIMES NO PASSES FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THIS MOVIE Ex A movielone: America Online. Keyword: Eight Legged Freaks Morielone.com.
